You Have a Choice with Your Fears



What are you afraid of? Spiders, darkness, snakes, falling . . .those are fears outside of you.

I ask again, what are you afraid of? I am pointing at the inside fears in your mind, heart, soul, that you don’t like to look at or talk about; that you dread hearing mentioned in a conversation or a meeting.

Not being good enough, rejection, shame, unworthy, unlovable, can never have my dream, fraud . . . Those are some of mine.

What is fear stopping you from being and accomplishing? More precisely, what are you allowing fear to stop you from being and accomplishing? And what is it costing you?

You are reading what I allowed fear to stop. My first email newsletter. I started the account for an email newsletter in January 2015 and now I am finally taking the action.

What got in my way? Fear . . . I didn’t know enough, why would anyone read what I wrote, everything had to be perfect, not asking for help, people might not like me for it . . . all rooted in fear. The cost has been not growing my coaching practice and coaching clients, financial struggles, connection with people, condemning myself.

Allowing fear to stop me in my life has cost me friends, connections, money, business, growth, time, travel, freedom, peace of mind.

We all have fears and we all have allowed our fear to stop us at some point in our lives.

Does life always have to be like this?

No, life does not have to be like this.

What can you do when fear shows up?

  1. Embrace the fear. Notice, acknowledge, name the fear. Bring the fear into the open. Fear cannot grow in the light. Fear grows when it is hidden and kept in the dark. Talk about it. Write about it. Share about it. Air it out. A side benefit is discovering you are not the only one with fear.
  1. Reframe your fear. It is just a feeling that stops you. If you feared something, even the same thing, in the past, fear is still only a feeling. Past fear and past circumstances do not have to influence your present. The connection is one you choose to make. Fear is false evidence appearing real.
  1. Practice self-compassion. Many times, when fear shows up we ask, “what did I do wrong?” “What’s my problem?” Or maybe “I am such a loser.” We condemn ourselves for being afraid. I know because I do. Understand your fear. It is a leftover from caveman days of fight or flight, a left over from our younger days when we did not know what to do with fear. If you had a scared child with you would you get mad and blame them, or provide warmth and comfort? Be nice. Allow yourself warmth and comfort.
  1. Take action. Take a step despite your fear. Positive action is the best defense to fear. When fear shows up many times we stop our action. Lack of action in the face of fear reinforces the fear. Consider that when we resist action, fear persists.

You may be afraid!
You may have allowed fear to stop you!
You have a choice!
Choose a new way now!


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